Am I Hungry?

I find this cue so hard to follow.  A friend of mine who’d suffered from Anorexia in the past expressed her idea of intuitive eating; “If I ate based on my intuition, I’d be 80 lbs.”

So scary to me, because I know that the ultimate happiness is connection with me and myself, and this disconnect is what is exacerbating my eating disorder.

I am so confused sometimes about hunger.  What to eat.  When to eat.

Sometimes, I know, and often those times are when I’m not thinking.  They’re when I’m feeling.  But when thoughts come, I’m an expert escapist.  So good at running, numbing, distracting, making excuses.

Jill brought this to light here: Are Defense Mechanisms Holding You Back from HA Recovery?

But there’s more to it regarding the why and the source of these excuses and escapes.

I am afraid of being full.  I like to control satiety.  I think it’ll pitter down to letting go.

That’s it that’s all.

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