Hunger cues are so clouded with eating disorders. I forgot the feeling of hunger. I am tuning more into my feeling body, instead of my thinking body.
Where do I feel hunger? There’s always info from my gut. That’s where I feel most things, and my head. Like, not my mind, but my temples, or round my “occipital bone” (sorry for the Kinesiology jargon but that’s whatifeelok).
My gut is a loudass woman.
I’m starting to feel the importance of meditation. It is a path of re-feeling. It is where space is made to silence the thoughts that are telling me to starve. They are the thoughts that exacerbate lack, insufficiency, insignificance, self-disgust (this hurts me to type, a good sign).
When I meditate, the thoughts go away, and I feel the hunger in my tummy, I feel the gas building, tightness in my chest, and also lightness. I feel. itsthenewiPhone
This morning, I went to do the helliptical again. I felt more energetic, albeit still tired. Muscles are speaking the language of plea for rest, always, god, my mind won’t have it. I lured in a dude beside me, myracingbuddybecausehewasbesideme, to do my 10x 1min sprint @ 1min easy. After 10 rounds, I moved on to my tempo before cooling down, still easier than the killer sprints that I wanted support in doing from dudenextdoor. As I began winding down, he turned to me after a few minutes and said, “wow, second set of 10 sprints is harder.”
Boom ego wasalllike ↓ : and also fomo’ing and shoulding on myself and and and.
You now what, I turned that shit off and went back to my feeling body that def wasn’t down to do another set. Already, my body felt taxed and had arrived (another concept I want to discuss) in a more recovery-based mode. Man, I’m already doing so much, body needs love.
So that’s that, feeling more than thinking, what else is new.
Well, not this song, I don’t FEEL, but it’s new for me: