Today, I swam for the first time in bout 8 months. It was in a warm water pool dubbed “therapeutic” and shit man at 89 degrees it was balmy AS. First time I think I can say it was a pool that was TOO hot. But it felt so good to move in the water. My ass hurts my legs hurt I am so anxious in my mind that I’m craving the physical release from exercise and it’s hard. I swam easy, I still need to move.
It brought me back to Vancouver and I miss it so much.
I went to a horse therapy farm on Tuesday round Caledon and it was also really cool. Animals have such an intuition for healing. The horses read my energy incredibly; one horse was even reiki-gifted and honestly, wonky yogi tingz aside- when I put my hands on his strong coat, I feltthatshithard thatswhatshesaid.
There’s such merit in things we can’t put into words but can feel. Like the water silencing the world and moving weightlessly through it.
Like stepping meditatively one foot at a time up a mountain. Nature giving mind a rest from pitter patter of constant thoughts.
Like connecting with people and laughing about farts, Mitch Hedberg jokes, and cats that have been shaved like a lion post-vet named Rhombus from math-loving owners.
Like the hashtag #my4wordobituary
Like the feeling after a run, a trail run where you hop over tree trunks and boulders. Like really “getting” what someone is telling you about their experiences, just like, totally vining with their expression.
Like making a beautiful meal out of backyard veggies, or foraged goods from the forest. Like feeling the powerful magestic brilliance of a horse under my small palm, stroking its shiny coat. So powerful but gentle.
My heart is aching for nature and I feel so pulled to Vancouver Island. I know that wherever I go, I take myself with me. I know I’m not healed yet. But I also know that Toronto noise and culture is not for me and I’m sick from it.
Universe, show me a sigh plzandthankyou.