“The story I’m telling myself about this is___________________.”

“The story I’m telling myself about this is___________________.”

Brene Brown talks about stories we make up about shit.  We prefer to be certain over correct. We like definition, we like palpability, graspability.  And we often have default “storylines” we turn to in order to put experiences into boxes.  To create a sense of comfort.  The unknown is not comfy.  It’s like a turtleneck vs a cozy sweater.

Brene say we have default emotions we fall back on when we feel a rumble happening, a conflict, when we feel tested.

These stories are direct reflections of ourselves.

Here are my stories:

  • Everyone thinks I’m an entitled piece of poo because I’ve fabricated this self-made struggle of coping through Eating Disorders.
  • People think I think I’m entitled and self-righteous because I am endeavouring in entrepreneurship and don’t have a 9-5 job.
  • I’m not pretty without makeup.
  • I’ll be undesirable if I fart, poop, or have a softer tummy.
  • I’m worthless unless I suffer.
  • I should suffer because I don’t have a job and I’m making myself go through this suffering (wow is that not a cyclical self-defeating belief!?)

Brene quotes:

People learn how to treat us based on how we see us treating ourselves.

***palms of hands***

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Honest Vulnerability: Men have body image insecurities too!

Yesterday I met two lovely people at a cafe, and we chatted for a while.  I brought up the issue of body image around breathing.  Specifically how I learned to breathe in my chest instead of my tummy because I was self-conscious about feeling like my tummy was expanding.

I ask myself now (after watching Brene Brown’s vid on vulnerability) “What’s underneath this?”

Shit, I don’t know!? Feeling unworthy if I have a tummy?!

It sounds so yuck to write that, like, self-harming, it doesn’t feel good to me. (this is GOOD! Good job Melskis!)

Again: “What’s underneath this?”

If I have a tummy, that means I’m “flawed”, or imperfect.

Two things my rational soul says:

  1. A tummy doesn’t mean I’m flawed.
  2. There is no such thing as perfect.


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(I’m quoting myself…lookatbitchGO!)

Another tidbit which was great was from this:

Eckharte Tolle gives a good tip about when you can’t shake an unserving thought:  to focus on the present; to bring awareness into your body and shift the focus.  This is huge because we often think we can “just think of something else”.  But #bitchplease does that ever work? And if it does, it’s fleeting because the mind is such a monkey.  It plays games over and over with us.  The soul is in the body, when we shift focus to say, feeling the existence of our hands, without moving them or touching anything, then we are shifting our focus and redirecting into feelings that we often hide from.  I’m learning to do this.

I rode High Park loops this morning:

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And I often have cases of “the burps” as I learn how to listen to my body and fuel right. Also, I went to bed real early and woke up real early, and pool opens at 7:30AM only, so I rode instead, which is two days in a row–so leggies are tired…so also wanting to focus on going easier and quiet the thoughts of insufficiency in doing this.

So, in avoiding the monkey thoughts about discomfort and “shoulding on myself”, I focused on my hands, feeling their presence, shifting my focus.  You know what? This shit’s pretty magic.  Try it!

And now the bread and butter of the post: this sweet dude’s vulnerability in expressing himself and that men also face body image issues, although the stigma against emotional expression is so suppressing of discussion.  That blows.  Big ups to his bravery!  Check it out: