“I’m an MD/RHN/RN, here’s what I eat in a day”

I call this bullshit.

In a world already so disconnected from ourselves, these tempting motives to “solve our own routine conundrum” serve as confusing AF.  It’s like stevia: sweet, but the body is like “well shit, can I eat more now because that was calorie-free?” (you know? How many times have you tried to “trick” your body into thinking it’s satiated, and then the #headinfridge nighttime syndrome hits? And, sweetheart, when you say “I couldn’t help it”, that is OK.  It’s not lack of willpower.  It’s physiology, and it’s OK.)

Confusion.  Tempting at first, but also like the Finnish education system: it works for them, but you can’t take Des Linden’s stride, put her in a pool, and expect a Phelps #nahmean?

This is why I think “diets” in their very essence are dangerous to fall into.  Rules, rules rules rules, stress me out, and also calm parts of me.  It is so nice to think of a specific way of doing things that leads to health and is relatively simple to emulate.  But that’s the easy way out.  The way that calms the overwhelmed and fearful parts of us that are at a loss of what to do, and then just doesn’t serve the soul part that is all like “but listen to me, I know what’s best for Me!”

Like, side-note.  Is it just me, or is Intermittent Fasting the way of like 90% of Tinder dates right now?

Intermittent Fasting: can certainly serve some people, at some times.  But I’m fearful of the idea that it enables addiction.

I feel like I am straight up addicted to sensation from controlling all aspects of nourishment from food.  I’m using Food control and restriction and “allowing” bits of treats as a way to fuel my nourishment needs that I’m lacking in other aspects of my life.

Similarly, like Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs, I am keeping myself stuck in the lower pyramid

Image result for maslow's hierarchy of need

This blah blah blah goes back to me not feeling “safe” in the world so I’m keeping myself “safe” #traumashit through physiological preoccupation.

Blah blah blah.

On this level, it’s simply a way to keep myself outside of myself.  Which is why it’s so tempting to look more outside of Me at what other people are doing, what helps them, the scared parts of myself think “Let’s do that!”  While inspiration is great, what if by listening in, checking in, the answers come to me.  What if by creating pathways of outer-dependency, I disconnect myself from the umbilical cord that’s like the cup-string telephone to the soul, (remember?)

Image result for cup string phone

Image result for cup string phone

Now back to the really somehow fascinating phenomenon that is looking at what people are eating on social media.  Enter hashtags:

#WIAW
#Paleo
#Keto
#IF
#cleaneats
#cheatday
#ifitfitsmymacros

ETCETCETC.

Image result for people must know what i am eating before instagram

#amiright?  What about “Fear of Finished Meal Syndrome”?  Do the RHN’s, RN’s, RD’s, MD’s get this, too?  (Do hooman’s breathe?)

Maybe we think that the hidden mind’s of these people are pristine such that they have not the pains we have?  Maybe they poop better?  Like,

“hey, she’s got toned-ass arms, her diet must be soooo perfect!! I will get arms and poops clean as hers if I eat exactly what she eats!”

Bullshit.

But also,  compassionate bullshit.  I hear this, I also feel this.  But I know my soul is calling out this human ego temptation because #slowcarb #fatfree #LCHF #vegan etcetcetc seems easy, but doesn’t work.  It only worked for me to get me more aware of the need to connect with myself more deeply.  So in this way, and in celebrating the idea that “the only way out is through”, I’m grateful.

I’ve been on a ride through Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia (no blaming here, but the “cheat day” from Tim Ferriss’s (sexiest bald man I know) #4HourBody fuckkked me up hard), Vegetarianism, Paleo, Anxiety, and has truly winded my path around like a rollercoaster.  Right now, my gut is speaking to me.  The powerful, resilient body perseveres through all the confusion, which is so damn beautiful.  Throughout all the ignoring, all the pain, all the anxiety, the body is here.  Not without scars, inside and outside, but it’s here.  It’s always here.  That’s what we’re born with.  We’re actually born with exactly all we need to thrive on this earth.

Similar to plants in nature, they use whatever is available near them at the time, in order to survive.  Each plant uses its own individual programming to absorb from the Earth what it possibly can to life the longest and most robust life.  Maybe a plant is healthier in different soils, but the internal ability for it to hear its needs are just that: internal.  So, an onion will need different things than it’s tomato neighbour.  Likewise, one onion might need different things than the onion beside it, that is closer to the cuke which changes its constituency.

So fuck, please, be wary of outside noise.  Just because an MD eats avo-toast erryday, doesn’t mean it’ll give you better poops.  I mean, it may; that shit’s great.  But listen in.  Get inspired, and then take the language outside and translate it into your own Mother Tongue for your individually resplendent body.  And also, listen to the whispers coming from your SOUL!

Fuck, it’s beautiful (thank you).

Love,
Mel

ED Warriors Know:

Yesterday, I instagrammed these:

ED Warriors know it’s a different ball game to say #fuckit and change habits. Mind goes all “butthinkofthechildren” aka BUT WHAT IF IT’S NOT THE SAME MACROS AS YOUR BERRY OMELETTE?!

What if it’s got more sugar?

Are apples going to make me lose control?

Do I deserve to sleep in and not cook my eggs?

I’m so damn glad I’m in a space where I can watch those thoughts, and then tell them to fuck off.

These muffins are good. I’ll eat two, thanks. 

With cheese and butter (ghee).

Recipe: from joyfulhealthyeats

CINNAMON APPLE MUFFINS #paleo #forthelikes: Apples have been a #fearfood ish kinda thing and no more are any #fucksgiven so bitchmademuffins #homade.

Recipes to me are like rules: made to be broken. I muddled round with this recipe, used almond and flax, added raisins, cashews, baking pow instead of soda bc #thatswhatihad. Turned out #prettynicelittlesaturday 👌🏻:

Ingredients

½ cup of coconut oil, melted

¼ cup of pure maple syrup

1 teaspoon of vanilla

6 eggs

½ cup of coconut flour

½ teaspoon of cinnamon

¼ teaspoon of baking soda

½ teaspoon of fine sea salt

1 apple -peeled (#nope) and diced (Mel’s modifications here bc don’t tell me one CUP apples – #theydontcomelikethat).

Tummy

I am bloated. I ate frozen and thawed and refrozen and rethawed food yesterday…Oops. Paired with stress, anxiety, feels, food, gas, life, digesting, I’m bloated.

Yesterday after dinner when I expressed this poop to my roommate she said it’s so damn normal. Everyone’s tum goes out after food, gas forms, and that’s how food moves through the body for processing. 

But also, the gut is the second brain. I know mine’s been abused, and I’m learning to love it. I’m using the “Ed” voice thing (which I equate to “id”/”ego”- bc the whole “ed” thing doesn’t sit right w me making me feel like I’m externally blaming shit instead of believing in my own prowess to heal, bc this “ed” thing- although I differentiate my soul-speak from it- it is a part of me. But it’s a part of me like my mind akin to my soul, and I don’t have to listen to it’s verbatim and lack of humour…it’s like dry humour to my hilarious puns and memes🤸🏼‍♂️)…

So. Tum’s talking via bloat- it’s relative always and it doesn’t look like much in the pic but dis bitch uncomfy.  I’m posting bc I’m vulnerable here. I’m generally uncomfy with the tum, and especially with bloating bc it makes me feel bigger than I am. Bloating confuses hunger signals. It’s not nice. I am eating dinner anyways. I think back when I had bulimia, I would suppress the feelings of hunger with bloat- and restrict till starvation hit and then boom i was in binge mode. I am mechanically eating now bc there’s some feelings inside me telling me it’s time to eat. Can’t explain in words and don’t have to. I am learning to trust myself and my inner intuition. I’m trusting that as I refuel and retrain my body how to eat, it’ll get better.

So I’m going now to eat blood sausage.

✌🏻 

Vegans, AVERTYOUREYES


Short update:

1. Rest days are getting easier

2. I’m letting myself feel and listening to cravings

3. Totally loving all things fatty-esp animal and fish: blood sausage, pork rind, salmon skin, man even chicken skin. I thought I’d be craving carbs, but hey, fat is great!

4. The client whose order I did yesterday texted me this: “Had a great dinner when I got home. Everything was fantastic! Wow! Thanks again!”

I’m beaming 🙃

4. Will exchange curry for website help! #helpmegetoutWest 🙏🏻

Wholefoods catering

I’m doing wholefoods private catering. I impulsively posted on Bunz, and got some interest. On one hand, yaddayadda it’s food-oriented so probs unideal for ED healing, but also it’s honestly a mind-break and a job that 1) feels good to be of service, keeps me busy, and 2) I actually get out of my mind and in a state of flow bc I get to express my creativity through r cope curating and flavour experimentation, and also 3) I make food that I’m challenging myself with

Long term, not ideal as a career choice of mine, but certainly good experience for my future retreat centre, and setting intentions to get bum to BC and up mountains and in lakes n stuff.

Also this no laptop thing is annoying- FWP, but phone autocorrects are hilarious I almost want to uncorrect them for the lols.

Here’s an example of some of the first orders:


The others left me too tired to take pics…le sigh.

Hire me? The food’s yum, right Cor? 

Ps have also restarted meditating and focusing on breath: these two vids are worth it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Lb5L-VEm34&feature=share

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeiEUMrPXkE&feature=share

Peanut Protein Sauce

I found a peanut protein powder (from Homesense) without 💩in it, so homade sauce for when working outside lunch not needing refrigeration.


Peanut Protein Sauce:

2 TBSP peanut Protein pow 

1-2 Tbsp sesame seeds

1 tbsp flaxseeds

Sriracha, soya, chicken stock (could use Pure Bone broth if you’re on the Best coast…or water, or almond/coconut milk)

Directions:

Dry toast seeds in pan. (I also toasted cumin seeds w it). Add PB pow, liquid. Mix. Yum.

I topped a salad w this and sesame oil dressing and peanuts.

Picture update

Hike at Kartuzy Lodge I did daily while at my cottage, 20 min-back, perfect for moving on my non-training bout of last week Tuesday-Friday

Unshelling fresh hazelnuts I picked off a tree

Pit(a) stop “chicken” salad from Pita pit…n**** gotta eat (not organic, def GMO…I let go)

Foraging

My backyard in The Hood #Scarborough

That flower’s edible…right?

How I do burgers

Not a duplicate, two different days, habit creature, hey