ED Warriors Know:

Yesterday, I instagrammed these:

ED Warriors know it’s a different ball game to say #fuckit and change habits. Mind goes all “butthinkofthechildren” aka BUT WHAT IF IT’S NOT THE SAME MACROS AS YOUR BERRY OMELETTE?!

What if it’s got more sugar?

Are apples going to make me lose control?

Do I deserve to sleep in and not cook my eggs?

I’m so damn glad I’m in a space where I can watch those thoughts, and then tell them to fuck off.

These muffins are good. I’ll eat two, thanks. 

With cheese and butter (ghee).

Recipe: from joyfulhealthyeats

CINNAMON APPLE MUFFINS #paleo #forthelikes: Apples have been a #fearfood ish kinda thing and no more are any #fucksgiven so bitchmademuffins #homade.

Recipes to me are like rules: made to be broken. I muddled round with this recipe, used almond and flax, added raisins, cashews, baking pow instead of soda bc #thatswhatihad. Turned out #prettynicelittlesaturday 👌🏻:

Ingredients

½ cup of coconut oil, melted

¼ cup of pure maple syrup

1 teaspoon of vanilla

6 eggs

½ cup of coconut flour

½ teaspoon of cinnamon

¼ teaspoon of baking soda

½ teaspoon of fine sea salt

1 apple -peeled (#nope) and diced (Mel’s modifications here bc don’t tell me one CUP apples – #theydontcomelikethat).

Meat Pie Food Fear challenge

My community is so supportive since I’ve been more vocal about overcoming my eating disorder.  It’s great.  BQM supported my first burger (albeit, bunless), The Rude Boy (polite*) is sponsoring me for my second, and North Shore Pie co gave me free meat pies to support my challenge to eat the filling of the pie which I did yesterday:

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I had the filling, and it was yum.  I asked for the ingredients, and ya, apart from good-sourced meat, it has cornstarch (not non-GMO, or organic….but fucking eh).

There’s no magic supplement, fish oil, snake-skin-superfood or turmeric and black pepper that’s going to get some lbs on my skeleton, nor is there an easy way out.

Eat more, stress less (this means “stress” in all senses of the word: cold showers to working out).

I’m struggling with both.  Straight up.  I am challenged to rest, and challenged to eat more.  I’ll challenge my food fears, but honestly, I know how to “calculate” the risks so “everything evens out”.

I know I gotta shut that shit out the window and let go and just allow myself to feel the hunger and satiety cues.  I’ve started meditating daily again, for only 10 mins, but it’s huge.

And my GOD: I’m NOT alone.  SO many people have expressed similar struggles since I’ve been more vocal, so here’s to us all trucking on.  From skin-picking anxiety, to OCD, to distracting through numbing of all different vices (weed, alch, exercise, food).

The key is to stop running away and face myself.  To listen and connect.  THIS is why my 10  minute meditation practice is going to save my life: I am going to save my life. Ya…I’m going to the damn gym when I should probs rest….but I’m packing a snack for afterwards that I’ll eat without thinking, simply with feeling, and I’ll meditate like Buddha.  OM

See you in a bar past 9pm in 5lbs…and thankgodfortinder.

Jah bless.