Lessons from the Bhagavad Gita

2372EB44-4758-4768-BCCE-86AB68D5D9D6Point form because #7am:

”When you make regular contact with your true self, the soul—the field of infinite consciousness—you experience self-confidence as your ground state. From this state of self-referral, you know intuitively that you can accomplish anything.”

The article re-posted from The Chopra Centre is here:

5 Lessons in Self-Confidence from the Bhagavad Gita

woman smiling with confidence

Self-confidence is a fundamental quality to living an effective, empowered, and fulfilling life. Being conscious of and reliant upon your own powers and abilities is what allows you to think, speak, and act purposefully and believe that you have the inner strength and courage to succeed.

Like everyone, there are times you can lose confidence in yourself and slip into bouts of doubt, insecurity, and uncertainty. Lacking self-confidence, you may fear and suspect that you are weak or incompetent and thereby hesitate to speak or act with assertiveness, missing out on potential opportunities for growth or success. You may sabotage and hold yourself back in your work, relationships, or personal lives. As anyone who has slipped into ruts of self-doubt and insecurity can tell you, this is not a pleasant state to be in. But how do you avoid it? How can you maintain a healthy level of self-confidence in who you are and what you can do? The answers, in part, lie in the Bhagavad Gita (Gita).

The Gita, arguably one of the most revered texts in all the Vedic literature, is a vast storehouse of Yogic knowledge and philosophy. A part of the epic poem, The Mahabharata, it encapsulates the essence of Vedanta in the tale of Arjuna, the finest of warriors who is caught up in an epic battle between the forces of good and evil. Gathered on the battlefield of Kurukshetra, the forces of good (Pandavas) and the forces of evil (Kauravas) are preparing for war. The mighty Pandu warrior, Arjuna, asks his divine charioteer, Krishna, to place his chariot between the two armies so he can see who he has to fight. To his dismay, Arjuna sees in both armies friends, family, teachers, and respected elders, all willing to fight and die. Overcome with sorrow, Arjuna sinks into despair at the thought of the inevitable bloodshed. The resulting dialogue between Krishna and Arjuna expounds on the path of yoga as a means of liberation from suffering.

In the second chapter of the Gita, The Yoga of Knowledge, Krishna instructs Arjuna in the ways of yoga, essentially giving him a wakeup call from his despondency and sadness, saying:

This despair and weakness in a time of crisis are mean and unworthy of you, Arjuna. How have you fallen into a state so far from the path to liberation? It does not become you to yield to this weakness. Arise with a brave heart and destroy the enemy. (C2, v2-3)

The lessons that follow are powerful tools for restoring Arjuna’s self-confidence. Like Arjuna, you can also benefit from these timeless teachings in your quest for self-confidence and self-determination. As you read each of these five principles, allow the profound wisdom of these teachings to resonate within you and feel your confidence grow as a result.

1. Know Your True Self

In Krishna’s first teaching to Arjuna, he explains that the material world you perceive with your five senses is not the true expression of reality. It is an illusion, albeit a convincing one. Your ultimate essence is pure spirit, pure timeless awareness. It is independent of the good or bad opinion of others, feels above no one and beneath no one, and is fearless of all challenges. When you lose sight of this important understanding, you forget your real identity. You take the impermanent roles you play too seriously and feel disconnected from the source of your power. Krishna reminds Arjuna:

The impermanent has no reality; reality lies in the eternal. Those who have seen the boundary between these two have attained the end of all knowledge. Realize that which pervades the universe is indestructible; no power can affect this unchanging, imperishable reality. The body is mortal, but he who dwells in the body is immortal and immeasurable. Therefore, Arjuna, fight in this battle. (C2, v16-18)

When you truly embody this understanding, it becomes impossible to harbor doubt, insecurity, or fear. In living from the level of your soul, your thoughts, speech, and actions embody the essence of pure unbounded spirit—fearless, sure of itself, and courageous in all things.

2. Follow Your Purpose in Life

Krishna then goes on to remind Arjuna to follow his dharma, or his purpose in life. Arjuna’s dharma is that of a warrior, both literally and metaphorically. Arjuna has been a mighty warrior all his life; it is what he was born to do. But Krishna also encourages him to be a warrior for righteousness and the pursuit of knowledge. This knowledge is the understanding of the negative forces that grip the mind and rob you of your sense of purpose in the world. Whenever you lose your sense of purpose, you feel lost, adrift in a world that wouldn’t care if you existed or not. But Krishna reminds Arjuna that performing his dharmic duty is the key to salvation:

Considering your dharma, you should not vacillate. For a warrior, nothing is higher than a war against evil. The warrior confronted with such a war should be pleased, Arjuna, for it comes as an open gate to heaven. But if you do not participate in this battle against evil, you will incur sin, violating your dharma and your honor. (C2, v31-33)

While this passage may sound as if Krishna is advocating violence, the battle described is actually an internal one in which you are called upon to seek out the causes of your own ignorance. When you pursue and fulfill your dharma or purpose in life, you feel driven, deliberate, and purposeful in what you do. An important, valid, and unique piece of a universe that has no spare parts, you can be confident knowing that what you do in the world matters and makes a difference.

3. Take Action

What comes next is a hint at what will be discussed at length in future chapters of the Gita. Krishna reminds Arjuna that he is here in this world to take action. Self-doubt, worry, and anxiety are the results not of action, but of mental turbulence, compulsive over-thinking, and analysis paralysis. When you fail to act, and get caught up in the endless “what if” loop, nothing is accomplished and you only doubt yourself more. If you act, however, you will either accomplish your goals and find fulfillment, or fail, but learn from the experience. This lesson teaches you to not just sit on the sidelines of life and wonder, but to take action and own the consequences. As Krishna teaches:

You have the right to work, but never to the fruits of work. You should never engage in action for the sake of reward, nor should you long for inaction. Perform work in this world, Arjuna, as a man established within himself – without selfish attachments, and alike in success and defeat. For yoga is perfect evenness of mind. (C2, v47-48)

In other words, take action! Make that phone call; apply for that job; ask that special someone out on a date; and write that book. Don’t worry about the outcome; taking action is the important part. The more you act, the more comfortable it will become. If nothing else, your confidence will grow from being able to say, “I did it!”

4. Build Experience

Krishna points out that every action leaves an impression, but only through disciplined practice are you able to improve. When you take action, you build up a surplus of experiences. Your skills grow and you become more capable. You develop the know-how, the understanding to navigate your activities with skill and ease. This is a fundamental key to self-confidence—regular, dedicated practice. As Krishna says:

Arjuna, now listen to the principles of yoga. By practicing these, you can break through the bonds of karma. On this path, effort never goes to waste, and there is no failure. Even a little effort toward spiritual awareness will protect you from the greatest fear. (C2, v39-40)

Put another way, keep going. You will always progress. I’m reminded of the answer one of my martial arts instructors gave me when I asked him the secret to become a confident and effective martial artist. His reply was simply, “Mat time,” which was another way to say, just keep training. Repetition is the mother of all skill, no matter what the endeavor. If you want to get better, and therefore more confident, keep practicing!

5. Meditate

Finally, Krishna teaches Arjuna the profound knowledge for tapping into the wisdom of yoga: meditation. Through the practice of meditation, the voices of doubt, indecision, fear, and worry soften to distant whispers, ultimately fading away entirely. In addition, meditation allows you to have direct experience of your soul—the infinite, immortal, unbounded, pure spirit. Stepping into this field sets you free from the need to seek the approval of others. Krishna describes those established in this wisdom like this:

Neither agitated by grief nor hankering after pleasure, they live free from lust and fear and anger. Established in meditation, they are truly wise. Fettered no more by selfish attachments, they are neither elated by good fortune nor depressed by bad. Such are the seers. (C2, v56-57)

When you make regular contact with your true self, the soul—the field of infinite consciousness—you experience self-confidence as your ground state. From this state of self-referral, you know intuitively that you can accomplish anything.

These five lessons provide you with powerful tools to harness the innate self-confidence that already lives within you. Use Krishna’s teachings as a regular reminder that you don’t serve the world by playing small. Arise with a brave heart and fight for knowledge.

Why even Relax, Though?

S’Ho moved to Squamish.  I feel much better here than on the island.  It’s a different vibe here.  It was a really easy transition minus the actual move: I just truly put the intention out there, and a lovely little suite of my own surfaced.  It was right.

I’m in a space of working with compassion. Compassion for parts of me that trauma has led to feel really unsafe.  Somatic Experiencing is the therapy I’m doing which is basically a way for me to slowly reconnect with the parts of myself that I basically unplugged from the umbilical cord of my own prana, my own life force energy.

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You know when you’re in just like, a haze of feels, and can’t find a release? Man it’s tough; the face of the Human Condition.  Somatic Experiencing is a therapy modality that recognizes that through trauma, the young parts of ourselves that experienced the pain that was too much for our current coping abilities at that time in our lives, those parts learn to cope through fight, freeze or flight, so that they are able to survive.  They cannot handle the stimulation because it feels like a threat to survival, so they build an armour around those parts to shield, to blunt the blow.

I realized that the state of utter terror that I felt growing up, I still feel that during everyday life.  It was a big realization, not one for words.  It’s been a journey with the therapy, to experience a state of functioning that wasn’t the modality of terror; and in that space I could come outside of my habitual state of functioning to see just how frightened and threatened those parts of me still feel.  They still feel very threatened, and haven’t been taught how to feel safe and nurtured in the world.  The somatic, the bodily feeling that I was able to see outside of myself was a feeling like I was going to be beaten, physically, it was terrifying and terribly insightful.  WHOA.

They have begun to relearn how to feel safe in the world, this is what I’m teaching them, teaching parts of myself.  It doesn’t work to “suck it up” and “just do the things” that terrify me, and to name a few;

  • abiding by authority
  • rules
  • restrictions
  • control
  • time constraints

The way my little soldiers fight back when threatened show in the following fight/flight/flee ways;

  • skin picking
  • terrible gut pains and digestion
  • exercise
  • restriction of food
  • restriction of nurturing (in all senses of the world)
  • somatically by thumping heart
  • migraine
  • depression
  • indecision
  • mean self-talk
  • rushing like a chicken without a head

So this therapy is to begin by identifying when these soldiers are mobilizing; basically anytime the above presents itself.  Those are survival-mode soldiers.  The process is slow AF. And it’s supposed to be.  Because the moment I go too fast for my parts to feel safe, they latch onto a coping strategy.  This is where a quote sums this shit up eloquently:

I don’t “let go” of my thoughts.  I meet them with understanding, and then my thoughts “let go” of me. – Byron Katie

Beautiful description.  An explanation of why “ripping the bandaid off” won’t work.

I often forget why I’m changing, though, because this way of life has become so normal and change is fucking hard.  And parodies have showed up to reinforce the need for this shift; the need to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system– the relaxation response (that sweet spot that basically initiates our own knowledge of how to heal ourselves);

(in jot dots because Ho’s tired):

  • in physio for alignment while running; tight hip, tight glute, literally stemming from tension and stress where I am not belly-breathing, such that a rib isn’t aligned in my thoracic/lumbar spine area.  why breathe deep?  whoa this is why…body is so wise.
  • gut health: shits on run, shits all damn day, gut = second brain = depression and incomplete poops. worst. feeling. ever #amirighttho?  Relax, tune into my soul; make different food choices, or at least begin by watching and observing my choices and how they’re affecting my body.  Further than that- when eating in a relaxed state, food can actually digest better.
  • Cramp on run: alltheabove

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So the body is telling me and I’m actually beginning to watch myself, and am slowly actually becoming open and even able to feel that I want to relax.  This is so new.  Some things I’m doing:

  • child’s pose
  • letting my belly go out to breathe
  • unstructured meditation nightly
  • legs up the wall (did this once, forces body to belly breathe literally because the chest and shoulder muscles aren’t physically able to fire)
  • physio to flex at hip while breathing with full belly breaths, which actually disinhibits the response of my hip flexor firing in place of my glute

Ok, that’s it.

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Take a Step Back

Taking a step back from the monkey mind and stepping out of the cycle of struggle brings huge insight.

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This morning had me waking up before my alarm, in parallelled anxiety over my training.  I’ve strained my rib probably hard enough to go to the doctor to get an x-ray, but equally pointless because the treatment for any rib injury (break, strain, fracture, sprain) is the same: rest.

I strained my rib from blowing my nose too enthusiastically, apparently…my cold left me phlegmy, and my inability to sit with the discomfort of feeling like there’s a tiny pug napping while slowly sliding down the back of my throat had me blowing and blowing and blowing my nose.  So my back seized up after a strain I’m self-diagnosing from my over-active diaphragm.

The inability to sit with discomfort is a never ending cycle – until I choose to end it.  I challenged the phlegm, and I’m not challenging this rib pain now.  I ran and biked through it yesterday, and suffered.  Breathing hurts.  So this morning, I didn’t push through a swim, that wouldn’t be enjoyed, for zero training gains.

Allostatic Load of Stress:  This means that the cortisol I’d produce by stressing over the pain, paired with attempting to swim in a way to avoid the pain, would negate any training benefits I would gain from actually doing my training session in the pool.

So in taking a step back, in breaking the cycle of my mind’s compulsion of unhealthy habits with stress addiction, I was able to see the wisdom I had all along.  The wisdom inside myself got clouded by my mind games of:

  • not good enough
  • only good when ______
  • badge of honour with stress
  • stress addiction

Image result for meme take a step back

Breathing helped (shallow…bc #ribpaintingz), by honestly putting my hand on my heart and feeling what my body needed, not what habits I’d accustomed myself to through years of body dishonouring.

And where has that body dishonouring got me?

Injured.
Sick.
Miserable.
Stuck in a pattern.
NOT helping others because I WASN’T living “my truth” or the truth that I condone.

So, I ate breakfast, showered, went for a walk, visited my grampa.

Now, I’m sharing this insight, of the power in taking a step back to view the situation.  I’m meeting with a friend who’s helping me with my move out to British Columbia, and I’m speaking with a mentor from my Holistic Nutrition school in New Zealand, a fellow Canadian, and wicked smart woman Michelle Yandle of Michelle Yandle Nutrition for guidance as I continue on my journey as a Wellness Practitioner.  I’m so keen to help others through the insight I’ve gained with my own struggles, and what I’ve trained in.  I’m also looking for tools from other successful practitioners like Michelle, who’s helped many people not so much through the actual food aspect of Holistic Health, but the encompassing triggers and emotional baggage and meaning behind the food.  THAT is The Shit.

Have a sweet day,  I’m going to be present as fuck, because the monkey mind comes back with thought suggestions, but I’m going to watch them and choose from a space of wisdom with big picture intention tingz.

Also….I love this song:

2:57AM Le Hungry

Sometimes hunger doesn’t come in pangs of stomach notifications, like waking up with a headache and some intuition saying “eat”. I went to bed after being too tired to expend the honestly exhausting energy #tuningin to see if I was full after eating a snack. Maybe this is where the core cause is #lettinggo of the need to be “perfectly” sated. I honestly think I was so tired of the mind games, paired with being end-of-day-wiped, that I was just in a #fuckit place and hit the pillow, not feeling like living up to my own standards of eating “just right”.

That was another form of escapist-numbing, I now see. And also of rubbish high standards of perfectionist ways. Well, I’m eating now, and it’s a learning lesson that “perfect” is bullshit. And even in this imperfection there’s beauty of self-discovery and awareness.

Awareness is key.

Also: yes, I genuinely enjoy Brussels sprouts. #maybethisiswhyimsingle

Podcast: Sharon Salzberg “Do the good that’s in front of you, even if it feels very small.”

1. Tim Ferriss is sexy (AND bald😎), damn smart.
2. This is #sohuman and great applicable tips.
3. Trust a sis

melanie sakowski on Twitter: “everyone struggles w meditation: self compassion in forgiving ourselves for it IS the practice #damngoodpodcast @SharonSalzberg #metta 
https://t.co/C4sKOhM6wG

https://dfkfj8j276wwv.cloudfront.net/episodes/505397f9-8b1b-4747-b509-06cb97ab28f5/5e1f0b1881210d04574e89968f2c9eeeb90076ab3f5fd5f268d7765f700d4e04b44eb9a3f6b372584ad9980c26e180a32f21142418bb588d33465dae74bb6e10/The%20Tim%20Ferriss%20Show%20-%20Sharon%20Salzberg.mp3

Bang Head Here

Grasping: the act of holding on to something, anything, under the belief that it’s the answer to all problems. 

What do I grasp for when I feel dis-ease?

  • Can’t run? At least I can ride.
  • Can’t find peace in Toronto? At least there’s other space in the world.
  • Rain? Indoor trainer.
  • Out of coffee? Go to cafe.
  • No wifi? I’ll use my data.
  • No eggs? I’ll buy some.
  • Didn’t get the job? Another one will come. 

Alternatives are great. There’s merit to adaptability, faith and trust.  My purpose in this post is about how this is all a form of filling a gap, filling a “supposed” gap. Filling space. But what happens if that space is left empty?

I’m filling space right now. My laptop’s broken, and I’m jonesin for my fingers to type in the search engine for the comfort of knowing I’m working towards finding a job on Vancouver island. So I’m writing about this feeling. I’m writing this on my phone as an alternative. 

Behind the filling of space to use my phone is the filling of space to find a job. I didn’t get the job I applied for in Tofino at The Homestead. The job was at a retreat centre where I would be a yoga instructor and holistic wellness practitioner. I allowed myself to feel like this job completed me. I felt pretty down after finding out that the retreat was shutting (had to laugh bc phone autocorrected that to shitting…) down for winter and there was no job for me. I was to be the hostess and caretaker of the place during the winter season as they’re an Airbnb. What really shook me, was the I got the call (e-mail….and I called back) after sharing my social media platform info which is not discrete about my journey in fighting Eating Disorder. 

And so, I felt like it might be that this was the reason for the decline of my position. I felt like💩.  Is mental health battling a reason for being unhirable? I asked if there was anything in my application that I should be aware of for future applications that may have been deferents for hiring. She said no.

You know what I did then? I went in my IG and took “ED Warrior” off my description. I only put it back on yesterday. 

What I realized: RIGHT NOW, I have everything I need to be the practitioner of my soul’s calling. Not when I get “the job”. Not if I eat _______. Not if I get 7.8K IG followers. But now. Any place I expend this energy in, is only a platform. But right now, this is me and I have all I need. So, damn straight I’m an ED warrior.

I can easily fill space, find alternatives with another job, a bike ride, a steak…but to sit with the space unfilled, damn. 

Can I bang my head now? I think I think too much.

I’ve saved a wicked (long….read it in #pigeonpose, very worth the read) article to share which expresses this concept. I highly recommend you read it: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/connect-with-yourself-in-a-world-designed-to-distract-you/

No grasping, trusting. No biking today, no “certainty”, no saviour in any alternative, only the beat of my own heart and breath right now. 

And everything is alright forever and forever and forever.

How to Eat Well to Feel Good

Video: It’s not so much what we eat, but how we eat it that matters most.

Focus attention on the feelings that we desire, and let go of the seeking of the items that come along with it – and they’ll come. When we seek things, often we don’t feel so hot, and those feelings and non-serving thoughts keep us where we are. Seek the feelings, relentlessly.

Meal plans don’t work. Finding your own intuition works.

Prioritizing Feelings

There are many things in my life that I am (wanting to) chang(ing).

  • Better health
  • Stronger body
  • Self-love
  • Environment
  • Man
  • Career

And I’ve been focusing on these.  I am realizing that by focusing on what I want, I’m living in a state of being insufficient as I am.

Truth is, I’m, we’re, already complete, right now.  When I look at the list of what I want and where I want to go, I’m living in this state, this feeling of lack.  I’m living in a state of non-presence (either pining for what I had, or looking forward into the future for what I want).  This is taking away the power of my now.

I am learning to prioritize how I want to feel.  Instead of taking on the feelings of; lack, insufficient, sick, weak, lonely, hurt, useless, I look to feel what Danielle Laporte calls “core desired feelings”.

When I have my heart set on feelings that I want to embody, I’ll unblock myself from the “lack, insufficient, sick, weak, lonely, hurt, useless” that is serving to keep me exactly where I am at: a state of tired, sleepy, weak, lost.

So, my core desired feels:

  • Strong
  • Purposeful
  • Helpful
  • Calm
  • Beautiful
  • Compassionate
  • Creative
  • Intuitive
  • Funny
  • Light

I much prefer this list.

I feel that these emotions will flow into the goals I wrote above, but the feelings before that have no tie to this.  It’s like the quote that stripped me of my coping through Bulimia;

You can’t hate yourself into a version of you that you can love.

Honestly, this is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy stuff.  I feel that the way to bring this shift into the body is by using body-awareness sensation cues.  I am going to practice the cultivation of these feelings in meditation.  I want to see where in my body I feel peace.  I know anger pretty well – it’s in my solar plexus and throat.  I wonder if peace is in my lower belly, all cozy like a kitten sitting on my lap.  I wonder if funny is like a shoulder massage.  etcetcetc.  Feel me?

And so it is.

Hey, what’s your list?  Please share, it’s (you’re) worth it:

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How to sit with a Binge

(starting this post with shameless self-promotion for my emotional eating workshop where Deanne and I will be sharing our insights and human honesty with our binge and emotional eating journeys)

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Was that a binge?

I’m letting myself eat.  I’m listening to my needs.  I’m realizing that even when there’s some kind of feeling telling me to nourish, even when I’m not in a state of being famished, I follow it.

Ever have what my friend once explained as “itchy teeth”?  She called it the feeling where you feel like munching on something but aren’t necessarily hungry.

It’s times like these where I have to tune into my gut, ask myself what I need.

What am I hungry for?

  • Connection?
  • Love?
  • Self-care?
  • Rest?
  • Creative expression?
  • Meaningful work?

Today, I finished lunch very aware of my craving for connection.

BUT: there are times, especially during this re-feeding, where I am actually physically needing nourishment, and in spite of my mind saying “You’ve had enough!”, body’s actually asking for nourishment.

My dear friend expressed herself after feeling like she’d overeaten, I asked her what part of her felt full, or like she’d binged.  She said her tummy wasn’t bloated, it felt comfortable and sated.  Her mind, on the other hand, didn’t want to believe that her body required that much food.

That’s the shit though, eh?  I’m hearing both voices, the mind and the soul when I eat.  I often feel like I can have an extra spoonful of peanut baetter, hummus, extra handful of nuts.  

And then, I’m full.

It’s a new feeling.

Sometimes I’m in shock at how much I am eating, and it fucking terrifies me.

My mind wants to flee, to distract, to numb.  I want to busy myself and get back to that feeling of being “in control” of how much I’ve eaten, or of how much I’ve decided my body needs.

How silly is that though!?  As IF my mind has enough say over how much nourishment my wise-ass body needs.

And so, fuck man, if I overdo it a bit, or if I’ve err’d on the side of a little too much, so what?  I’m not perfect!

The fear is in old ways of void-filling with overeating; bingeing and purging.  But my soul has found its own wisdom there to overcome that.  I’m tuning into all parts of myself; mind, body, soul.  I won’t dishonour my needs anymore.  Nor should you!

If you eat a piece of cake, or three, OK: it’s always OK–the key is to be so damn present and aware of the fact that you’re coping, that in your presence, you can be with yourself.  The whole way.  Man, that’s fucking powerful!

In the evenings, generally this is when my body speaks about if I’ve undernourished or not in the daytime.  This is when rules go out the window.  This is the scary time!  

You can’t trick your body into fake nourishment!

AMiRIGHT?!

There’s a reason for the fridge light…and nighttime #humancondition in form of binges.  This is when the body is like:  bitch please

“I’m still LE HUNGRY!”

This is when the body tries to play “catch up” with the under-nourishment, lack of nutrients, fasting.

So, it’s not willpower we lack.  It’s the idea that we can fool ourselves into in-authenticity, into being something we’re not.

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And the first things we try to do after feeling like we’ve overeaten, or if we have overeaten, or goddamn under-eaten for that matter – is run, is escape, is distract, numb: sex, self-pleasing, cigs, alcohol, work-addiction, drugs, even distracting with mindless media scrolling, which is fucked because of all the images of sculpted abs and the impossible flat tummy post-meal…we don’t want to face what our body is speaking to us.

BUT

This IS the pivotal moment to connect and to stop the binge cycle in the future!

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From Michelle Yandle Health

I’m sitting with it when I do it, I’m breathing, in lotus pose bc itsbetterfortheburps….I’m journalling.  I’m asking myself:

  • “was that too much?”
  • “Did I under-eat during the day? or even yesterday?”
  • “Did I turn away from another part of myself I needed?”
  • “Was I trying to fill a void?”

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And, after this reflection, know this:

This too shall pass.

It always does.  May we be wiser for next time.  Tune into our needs periodically so we don’t get hit with the headinthefridgesyndrome.

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“Holding Space”

“I sheppard people into the empty space that’s infinitely all around them…that they’re already in, but can’t access without me.”

JP Sears is real good.

But in all seriousness, meditation is something I’ve practiced and fallen out of, mannnny times.  I’ve forced it via a phone alarm for a while, and I’ve stopped.  I intuitively started doing it again, sitting and letting myself “hold space”, and I find my body asking for it.  I run around here and there all day, and to stop and be there, whatever the hell that means, just to be still feels so damn good.

I’ve been marinating on the pain because I want to feel it now.

I know I’ve read and heard of the “isness” Eckhart Tolle describes, and I have to eye-roll at the esoteric nature of the term.  But like…I’m starting to feel that “isness”…and it feels not good…but just “feels”.  So strange.  But mamilike.

Anyone have this kind of experience?  Anyone meditate?