2:57AM Le Hungry

Sometimes hunger doesn’t come in pangs of stomach notifications, like waking up with a headache and some intuition saying “eat”. I went to bed after being too tired to expend the honestly exhausting energy #tuningin to see if I was full after eating a snack. Maybe this is where the core cause is #lettinggo of the need to be “perfectly” sated. I honestly think I was so tired of the mind games, paired with being end-of-day-wiped, that I was just in a #fuckit place and hit the pillow, not feeling like living up to my own standards of eating “just right”.

That was another form of escapist-numbing, I now see. And also of rubbish high standards of perfectionist ways. Well, I’m eating now, and it’s a learning lesson that “perfect” is bullshit. And even in this imperfection there’s beauty of self-discovery and awareness.

Awareness is key.

Also: yes, I genuinely enjoy Brussels sprouts. #maybethisiswhyimsingle

ED Warriors Know:

Yesterday, I instagrammed these:

ED Warriors know it’s a different ball game to say #fuckit and change habits. Mind goes all “butthinkofthechildren” aka BUT WHAT IF IT’S NOT THE SAME MACROS AS YOUR BERRY OMELETTE?!

What if it’s got more sugar?

Are apples going to make me lose control?

Do I deserve to sleep in and not cook my eggs?

I’m so damn glad I’m in a space where I can watch those thoughts, and then tell them to fuck off.

These muffins are good. I’ll eat two, thanks. 

With cheese and butter (ghee).

Recipe: from joyfulhealthyeats

CINNAMON APPLE MUFFINS #paleo #forthelikes: Apples have been a #fearfood ish kinda thing and no more are any #fucksgiven so bitchmademuffins #homade.

Recipes to me are like rules: made to be broken. I muddled round with this recipe, used almond and flax, added raisins, cashews, baking pow instead of soda bc #thatswhatihad. Turned out #prettynicelittlesaturday 👌🏻:

Ingredients

½ cup of coconut oil, melted

¼ cup of pure maple syrup

1 teaspoon of vanilla

6 eggs

½ cup of coconut flour

½ teaspoon of cinnamon

¼ teaspoon of baking soda

½ teaspoon of fine sea salt

1 apple -peeled (#nope) and diced (Mel’s modifications here bc don’t tell me one CUP apples – #theydontcomelikethat).

How to Eat Well to Feel Good

Video: It’s not so much what we eat, but how we eat it that matters most.

Focus attention on the feelings that we desire, and let go of the seeking of the items that come along with it – and they’ll come. When we seek things, often we don’t feel so hot, and those feelings and non-serving thoughts keep us where we are. Seek the feelings, relentlessly.

Meal plans don’t work. Finding your own intuition works.

(a couple of) Recipes for my future cookbook

One liners, simple, modify as needed, use your own inner voice to customize:

Breakfasts:

img_7956Berry Omelette: heat fat in pan, scramble some eggs with flavours (vanilla extract, cinnamon, sea salt), pan that shit, sprinkle on superfoods (cocoa pow, maca, bee pollen, ginseng, etc), add some berries and fold over.  Top with milk, coconut/nut butter/nuts

Chia Pudding: (2-4T) chia seeds/milk (coconut is best, creamy one), flavour add (vanilla/almond extract/cinnamon/nutmeg)IMG_1479

  • Carrot cake (carrots, raisins, pecans/walnuts)
  • Cherry almond
  • Banana nut
  • Honey nut
  • Apple cinnamon nut
  • Orange hazelnut
  • Cocoa banana nut

Scrambled Eggs: avocado, tomato, onion, shrooms, cheese, coconut milk, spinach, kale, butter

Granola: make ahead: in a bowl: egg white, nuts of choice, butter/oil, dried fruits, coconut flakes, flavours (vanilla, cinnamon, sea salt always good, nutmeg, ginger)

Lunches:

Tadka Dal (red lentil curry):  cook 1 cup red lentils with one chopped tomato/ in pan saute onion, ginger, garlic, cumin seeds, curry leaves, cardamom pow, turmeric, salt pepper (or just curry pow) in ghee/coconut/butter. Add together in pot, simmer bit.

Chana Masala: cook 1 cup dried chickpeas/2 cans cooked chickpeas (don’t drain)/saute in butter/ghee/coconut: spice mix (ginger/garlic/turmeric/cumin seeds/mustard seeds/nutmeg-mace/pepper/chili peppers/cardamom/salt) and 1 chopped onion.  Add 1 chopped tomato.  Add chickpeas. {can forgo the spice mix for a pre-made chana masala spice mix…Winner’s has nice ones}

Egg Salad: mix hard boiled eggs with mayo, green onion, dijon mustard, salt, pepper, sriracha. Top a nice mix of greens/massaged kale/steamed green beans/black olives, tomatoes, cukes.  Dress with olive oil, avocado, balsamic, salt, pepper.  Top with nuts if need more energy.img_8119

Simple Fast Cabbage soup: make or use a load of bone broth in pot, add shredded cabbage, tamari, green onion, chopped carrots.  Top with coconut cream/sour cream/sliced avocado.  Add protein: shrimp/shredded chicken/tempeh/or scramble two eggs and drop in soup while whisking for egg drop soup.

Miso Soup:  one cup water, 1 T miso paste, shiraki/kelp/”zoodles”/yam, add shrimp/eggs/chicken.  Eat with side of veg and hummus (because the soup is not enough for lunch)

Miso Glazed Salmon: miso paste/mirin/grated ginger/sriracha – add salmon.  Marinate for 24-48 hours.  Bae (bake but bae bc shit’sgood) at 350 for 20 mins (pending on size of filet).photo (8)

Eggplant side:  dice an eggplant. Drizzle with olive oil, balsamic, italian herb mix.  Broil top rack for 10-15 mins.  YUM.

Whole Roasted bird with pumpkin coconut soup:  rub a chicken with butter, stuff a lemon, halved in cavity, add sage/rosemary/salt/pepper/whole head of garlic. Slice half a pumpkin (skin on) and add to roasting pan with one diced onion.  Toss in olive oil, salt, cinnamon, pepper.  Put chicken on pumpkin and roast for 1-2 hours (20mins/pound).  Soup: in bigassjar add pumpkin and onion, 1 can coconut milk (full-fat), chicken drippings, salt to taste, curry powder, pepper, sriracha.  Hand immersion-blend.  Done.img_8128

Vegans, AVERTYOUREYES


Short update:

1. Rest days are getting easier

2. I’m letting myself feel and listening to cravings

3. Totally loving all things fatty-esp animal and fish: blood sausage, pork rind, salmon skin, man even chicken skin. I thought I’d be craving carbs, but hey, fat is great!

4. The client whose order I did yesterday texted me this: “Had a great dinner when I got home. Everything was fantastic! Wow! Thanks again!”

I’m beaming 🙃

4. Will exchange curry for website help! #helpmegetoutWest 🙏🏻

Wholefoods catering

I’m doing wholefoods private catering. I impulsively posted on Bunz, and got some interest. On one hand, yaddayadda it’s food-oriented so probs unideal for ED healing, but also it’s honestly a mind-break and a job that 1) feels good to be of service, keeps me busy, and 2) I actually get out of my mind and in a state of flow bc I get to express my creativity through r cope curating and flavour experimentation, and also 3) I make food that I’m challenging myself with

Long term, not ideal as a career choice of mine, but certainly good experience for my future retreat centre, and setting intentions to get bum to BC and up mountains and in lakes n stuff.

Also this no laptop thing is annoying- FWP, but phone autocorrects are hilarious I almost want to uncorrect them for the lols.

Here’s an example of some of the first orders:


The others left me too tired to take pics…le sigh.

Hire me? The food’s yum, right Cor? 

Ps have also restarted meditating and focusing on breath: these two vids are worth it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Lb5L-VEm34&feature=share

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeiEUMrPXkE&feature=share

Peanut Protein Sauce

I found a peanut protein powder (from Homesense) without 💩in it, so homade sauce for when working outside lunch not needing refrigeration.


Peanut Protein Sauce:

2 TBSP peanut Protein pow 

1-2 Tbsp sesame seeds

1 tbsp flaxseeds

Sriracha, soya, chicken stock (could use Pure Bone broth if you’re on the Best coast…or water, or almond/coconut milk)

Directions:

Dry toast seeds in pan. (I also toasted cumin seeds w it). Add PB pow, liquid. Mix. Yum.

I topped a salad w this and sesame oil dressing and peanuts.

Picture update

Hike at Kartuzy Lodge I did daily while at my cottage, 20 min-back, perfect for moving on my non-training bout of last week Tuesday-Friday

Unshelling fresh hazelnuts I picked off a tree

Pit(a) stop “chicken” salad from Pita pit…n**** gotta eat (not organic, def GMO…I let go)

Foraging

My backyard in The Hood #Scarborough

That flower’s edible…right?

How I do burgers

Not a duplicate, two different days, habit creature, hey

Camping Solo 

Rest day today, camping tomorrow. 

I ground my coffee #thanksReunionIsland 

I cooked my cabbage, and made a slaw #thanksBerryFreshFarms (started working there today!)



I prepped some things and froze others:


I learned fire building tips from a pro, thanks Cris!

I’m going to be ight, and am looking forward to being in nature, the constant noise here is getting to me. My body wants a break from training, but mind is racing. Bringing yoga mat, hiking shoes and kayak. Trying to match mind level w body needs, slow things down.

Music is made in the silence between the notes.

Anxious

Up since 3am.

Hungry and anxious because I’m booked for camping Monday – Fri, meaning no training, out-of-comfort zone meals, letting go…reading, I’m so excited to rest but scared as well. I’m forcing it on myself. I know my body is in danger if I don’t listen to it, and I mean like- heart/stress fracture kind of scary.

I’ve got to pack and prepare and really don’t love this part. #Allthebeefjerky 

Might document #paleocamping … but also #fuckdiets so might not….will see.

Here’s my list for now- not bringing it all:

Corn on cob= challenge- even non-gmo but want to fire-pit n’ butter tha shi na mean? Also: anyone made “Spider hot-dogs”?

Anyone in Algonquin next week?

Here’s my big ass salad bc I’m hungry, lunch?  “OKAY, bodyyyy!” You want food? Okay!

What’s in here? What’s NOT in here! We got avo nooch hummus sesame seeds peanuts hummus and veg from garden (cukes came in!)


Also dl good music for the road, like this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5HZYhcyHNo8